It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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