tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
