Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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