Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
