She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
