i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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