i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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