So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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