There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
