while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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