im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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