So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
