I wish my penis had an off switch
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
