I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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