Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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