ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
