Are we in a gay sports bar?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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