So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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