Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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