I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
