So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
