Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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