I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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