I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
