On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
