margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
