she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
