and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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