Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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