ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
