Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
