Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
