i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
