I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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