So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
