Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
