so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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