I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I cannot find my penis.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
