I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
