I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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