i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
