How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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