her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
