So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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