Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then my night got REAL pukey
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
