Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did i walk over a car last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
