Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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