Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
