NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
