How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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