apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She swung at the pinata with crutches
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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