Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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