My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
