I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
