I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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