oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
