Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sext me about skeletons
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
