went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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