Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize