Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
