theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
