I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
