I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So much Jack, so little girl.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
