I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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