Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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