she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
