I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
