you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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