***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
